smile angel

I never did believe curse till today. Must I really be penalised because of my once laugh without a thought, words without reconsidering , trust without a boundary?

 

Back to March, I was sitting in the Design lab lecture, we were listening to the lecturer talking about work division , supervisor's responsibility etc. There was a questions asked from the back row:" what if supervisor  slacks ?" I laughed, because I believed our electrical engineering depatment has chosen supervisors carefully. It's their responsibility to help us with our project. However, I was wrong, totally. Since the day our supervisor made us wait for a whole afternoon without a notice, I know he is going slacking us.

 

Another day, I was talking to the supervisor the last time i saw him in the whole semester about using a Mf10 IC to design the  tunable bandpass filter. I asked :"if useing MF10 IC ,aren't our project seem to be too easy? "He said :" OK , I will see if you can finish this project."  I didn't like his words and forgot about them. Butl today, we find out that our bandpass filter is the only component doesn't work. My partner cried , she is so upset , and i was shocked.

 

We have another very smart but selfish partner , who doesn't trust us at all . Our design was removed by him without a notice.  rest of us couldn't do anything but trust him since he did teach us lots of things. However, our circuit can't work properly, and he decided to change his mind and replace another IC to be our voltage controlled oscillator. That was two days before our final presentation. Anger without a way out, but trust him fully again coz' he is our major constructor after all. I only hope our ciruit works , then I won't mind anyway. But, things didn't turn out like what i dearly expected. We didn't get a outcome from the output at all till last second of today's lab.Our partnership failed long time ago, but the pain came late.  I really can't trust anybody like this any more. Trust doesn't work this way, trust has a boundary , we have been silly being so dependent on him.

 

Now, my yesterdays's confidence has vanished without a trace, and I still have to face tomorrow . A hard day, but the only fight once in my lifetime.

 

This is the time i wish my dad could be here. He'd always help me with seeking solutions. This is what he told me before I left for Melbourne. :"My dear daughter, problems are everywhere, but you have to be wise and smart, because solutions are simultantaneous created as problems are, if things can't work out this way, why not move one step backforwards, and you may be surprised with the result." My dear dad, how am I going to find a solution for this such messy situation?

 

And, hours ago, my partner (the girl who cried today) and I had a conversation with our course coordinator, and we feel much better now coz' he is going to help us out tomorow morning .

Even by now, I am still not nervous about our presentation at all. I feel confident as usual. I just want to have a good ending of this project, and have a good weekend.

 

Well, wether or not I belive in curse now, they all perfectly happened. I am speechless, but fight.

I never easily give up anything before, now it seems like solution is gradualy floating to the surface , and i am ready to fight for my life tomorrow.

 

I know engineering is hard especially electrical engineering. But, I must enjoy what I am learning right now which simply won't happen agian. Experience is precious even it's painful. This is why we are doing a university studyings. Engineering is all of about dedication , creating problems and gain more ability solving them.

 

This is such a significant day that i can't let it pass simply.

Sleeplessness

sleepless at 2am

my dear spirit of sleep

has gone on a party

left me a skeleton and awake

 

call help from my beloved music:

classical, pop, jazz, musical, opera

they are all under a spell

I am still awake

 

can't think about tomorrow 

can't feel time pass by

 

think of  nothing but everything

My family across the vast sea

My wonderful friends  my lover

will they think of me as i do tonight?

 

mind too much about those

without a promise  without a path to follow

 

close your eyes now

just close your beautiful eyes

Leave what belongs to tomorrow for tomorrow

forget what gone with the past to the past

 

just make a dream

as usual

there is another world waiting

... ...

 

 

inspired point:

My last weekend back to my 3rd year study in uni. Don't know why i can't go to sleep tonight.

Wanna play violin at this late but have to consider my patient and good tempered neighbours.

Sooner, i'd beg for more hours of sleep rathan then free my mind floating in the vaccum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To all of my friends, people who know me,

Happy the year of dog!

We came to find a new life of ours in Melbourne ,with family's expectation , with our own dream.  Four years flattened away in a flash of memory. We are approaching to our final triumph.

This is my 4th absence of attending Chinese biggest festival : spring festival. But, this year, we gather all together like a big family, to celebrate another year of learning, another year of developing ourselves.

We made dumplings all by our hands. Everybody is involved, it doesn't matter if you never made them before. It's easy, make sure ingradients won't escape from the dumpling skin , then you win.

We had a lot of laughters. We shared the stories from different dilact in China. For a long time, i wasn't as happy as today.

Without a real ceremony, without fireworks, but enjoy every second of joy.

Sooner, another year of tough life gonna begin. Bare your homesick , bare your loneliness, heading forward without a glance back. We will soon make our dreams come true.

To all of my electrical engineering fellows, good luck with your studys and your life this year.

To others who know me, may all of your wishes came true , may you all receive my blessings.